The person can't even take me out to eat in town.
The person can't even have me leave comments on his page.
The person is the sketchiest bitch I've ever met.
The person wasted three whole fucking minutes of my life.
In other words, no thanks.
I'm already over it.
Maybe those were the three minutes that I killed with cigarettes.
- How Angry I Am.:
pessimistic
So, I've been drunk all weekend.
And I have a beautiful hickey to show for it.
It's a mess.
And I almost fucked everything up between me and this person.
But I think it's okay now.
After apology after apology.
My parents still tell me that I'm going to hell every day.
So that's nice.
Don't you love them?
I still live at Chelseas! Yay.
And that's pretty much it.
- How Angry I Am.:
worried
Thank God, I'm in serious need of some cash.
And we're all getting drunk tonight.
Thank God, because I'm in serious need of some numbness.
And tomorrow, I have to work again.
And Sunday, he may be coming.
God I hope so.
I think of him all the time.
And I think that he thinks of me all the time as well.
I really need to see him.
I need to forget about everything that's been going on.
Even if it's only for just a few hours.
Just to be ignorant of the facts for a while sounds so endearing to me.
Alcohol+him=forgotten ails.
And kisses. :).
- How Angry I Am.: anxious
My Dad is stalking my friends.
My Dad is filing missing persons reports.
My Dad is showing up at my school and waiting on Chelsea in the parking lot.
My life is going bat shit.
My sister is crying.
My mom wants me to go get prayed over.
Please, someone help me.
And on top of that I had to deal with gay drama last night.
Never let anyone try to buy your love.
Seeing you did help a little bit.
The feelings never left.
They all came rushing back to me.
There's something about you that intrigues me.
God, I wish I could be with you right now.
- How Angry I Am.: discontent
Though my life has fallen apart.
Though everything has changed, and nothing will never be the same.
Though the people that I was around constantly have just vanished.
Though the sun may not seem so bright.
Though the good may not seem that good.
Though the bad...is really fucking bad.
The world still spins.
I'm still alive.
The changes are good.
The people aren't worth my time.
The sun is still shining.
The good is still there.
The bad...can't get any worse.
And I couldn't feel any better.
Explain that.
- How Angry I Am.:
okay
I finally told my parents the truth and they couldn't handle it.
So, I now live with Chelsea.
But, it's okay.
Because I love her and her parents.
And I feel so much better now than before.
Nothing can describe the way I felt after telling them.
Even though it was horrible, filled with screams and curses.
It was amazing, just to know that everything's in the open.
And to know that I no longer have to lie.
And if my own parents can't even accept me for who I am.
Then they are not worth my tears, or my time.
I've been wondering what you wonder.
And what you dream about.
And what you listen to when no ones around.
And what you tell yourself to make yourself feel better.
And what you do to pass the time.
And when was the last time you cried.
And when was the first time you hit rock bottom.
And what you're doing now that you've hit it again.
And what is your biggest darkest secret.
And what are you most afraid of.
I've never wondered these things about someone before.
The beach+mara+josh+bad weather+drunk+psychics=fun.
The chelseas need to come home.
- How Angry I Am.:
contemplative
That should be balls of fun
I hung out with Chelsea yesterday and it was fun
We went and saw Josh too
I'm going to throw a hamburger at her head.
I wonder what goes through your mind when we talk
I wonder if you think like I do.
Go eat, bitch,
I have an interview tomorrow at Walgreens.
PLEASE, let me get that job.
So. I'm probably going to end up hurting someone.
And I really hope that they know that I would never intentionally do so.
But I think that it is inevitable.
Why is it that every time I think I find someone, there's a problem?
Maybe I'm the problem.
But. Maybe you're the problem.
- How Angry I Am.:
crazy
What happened to you? What made you like this? Why won't you let me help you?
I wonder if you know.
- How Angry I Am.: discontent
But besides that. Things are going good for me. Adjusting back into normal life has been surprisingly easy. My parents are becoming more lenient, my friends all still love me. And overall things are better than before.
And being a hypotenuse is kind of fun. ;)
- How Angry I Am.:
calm
My gift to you, my heart was yours
In ten weeks we shaped it, and one night you murdered it
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet
That first step you took was the worst
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in silence and short remark
We still have these memories but we'll never see what we could have been
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember...cause that's all you can do
We'll never make another memory
We'll never make another memory
I wish I'd have died in your arms the last time we were together
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today
This time I thought things were real, you said they were, what happened?
You were a priority, was I an option?
I let you see the side of me that I don't share with anyone
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled
You knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart
I'm sorry that wasn't enough
So we'll go our own ways and hopefully you'll remember the things I told you
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said was in sincerity
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this but I guess I've learned from it
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake, I just wish the story didn't end this way
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked of where we'd be a year from now?
I just found this song again! I had completely forgotten about it. This is the only thing I've ever heard by Across Five Aprils but it's great.
It's raining outside and I'm sitting inside bored as usual. Last night was great. I needed that. I really wish I was in school right now. What a freak.
- Where I Be.:Work
- Tuneage.:"A Year From Now" by Across Five Aprils
I've been away for a really long time. And when you've been away for so long it's impossible to stay the same. How am I supposed to return to this? To this old life that I built around the wrong things. To the people who I care for so much, but find that I cannot carry on with them. To find that everything that I loved has fallen down around me. To find that the people who I thought would change, like I did, are utterly and astoundingly the same. I almost feel like a "ghost" as someone said. I'm avoiding places where I know that people that I may know will be. I don't want to answer the endless questions. But then again I find myself thinking and rehearsing these instances in my head. I've thought about the first time that I would see some of the people whom I built my life around again a million times. And now that it's here and I could go do that, I find that I don't want to. I've rehearsed it too many times, it'll be like a rerun.
And I am different. Embrace that if you want to have a part in my life. I think that you will be surprised at how much of me is the same though.
- How Angry I Am.:indescribable
even though im not in this
its all around me
and its all i hear about
and frankly
i dont fucking care.
its amazing that in 1 month my entire circle of friends is going to have broken apart
its not just one persons fault
its all of their faults
its your fault for leading someone on
its your fault for not giving up on someone when she said it was over
its your fault for causing a rift between best friends
and its your fault for being blind
if only you knew.
- How Angry I Am.:
pissed off
but im pretty sure that their never going to
i could give up
or i could try to make them like me
the second option is the one i choose
new years eve was good
i kissed 4 different people
including the person i really like
and i still have another new years eve kiss coming
so, all in all it was good
damn
why is greys anatomy great?
- How Angry I Am.:
mellow
- How Angry I Am.: sad
tomorrow this shit will finally be over
im so sick of hearing about it and having to worry about it
ugh
yesterday some stuff happened
that made me think about myself differently
yeah i might have hurt someone
but i hurt myself by doing what they wanted
this last month has been crazy
a lot of shit has happened that im going to regret in a year
let the new year bring me happiness and someone to love
and maybe ill be alright
ive been drunk all weekend
why stop now?
christmas eve=will drunk.
:)
- How Angry I Am.: numb
until christmas break
god i hate school
so saturday me and chelsea and sean went to valdosta
what an adventure
i bought chelsea ws present and then i left it on the bench and it got stolen
then seans mom found out about his $700 credit card bill
and then we ate this chinese food and we all got sick
and then chelsea and sean fell
then we drove all around valdosta trying to find seans friends house
we sat around there and helped put up streamers for some party they were having
then we came back home
and i went to sleep
tomorrow is the Biology EOCT
god i dread it
i hate big tests like that
and the worst thing about it is that i have to make at least an 80 on it to pass the class
so basically
im gonna cheat
"try and fail, fail and try, so stop trying"
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